“Are you a Virgin?” he asked.

Being a writer, I have my profile marked public with count of friends and followers summing a few thousands. Nevertheless, my walls are confined enough when it comes to friendship. I hardly have a handful of friends, and so as usual, one such ‘follower’ pinged and a conversation kick started. It went on and on at a point, where we shared our numbers. The conversation continued and after a few days he confessed that it was more than just ‘writing’ that attracted. ‘We don’t know each other much’ was all that I could reply at that point. So, then started the phone conversafc22050ef68b5ce39061a672ca343559tion.
*Sexism – yes! I would like to be a sexist in this post, for once!*
“Are you a Virgin,” he asked. Before I could answer, he continued “The other day I saw that you were tagged in a resto bar check-in, so obviously, you must have DONE that.”
“Oh!” I replied.
I tried deciphering the equation in his mind. I pondered more, I asked his thoughts and then yeah, it was
A girl who Smokes (and) (or) Drinks = Not a Virgin = Can be tagged a bitch or a slut as per one’s favourite word.
His questions didn’t stop there. “You were in any relationship before?” he shot the next. Maybe, he wants to figure out whom I slept with. “Yes!” I replied. “How many so far?” the next shot.
“What the F is wrong with you? Why are you asking all this?” I raised my voice.
“Just wanted to know!” he mellowed and I cut the call.
___
This is not something new. In fact, a trend right now. When one replies “Yes! Am a virgin,” there comes a tag called ‘WASTE’ I don’t see any difference between those who save themselves for marriage and those who don’t. To me, one’s sexual activity has nothing at all to do with their character. So is drinking, smoking or drugs. Aren’t we grown up yet to tag this as a big deal? Why these concerns?
It was hard to convince a friend who was about to marry a girl who confessed she has not saved her for marriage. ‘What if she had not told you? What one does before you have nothing to do with the life ahead,’ I blasted him, yet, he deliberately cancelled the wedding.
 ___
There are similar situations regardless of the gender. Are we all so small to define one based on their choice of having sex before marriage or sex when not in a committed relationship? Aren’t we all something better? Aren’t we humans who have virtues, career, passion, and love lined up.
A friend of mine was tortured for not bleeding at her wedding night. Other friend was pestered with questions whether she had kissed any or tried second or third base with any. Why is sex a big deal? Are you someone who slept tight during 1947 and woke up by 2016? Didn’t you grow up?
__
Why is the classification based on this? Why are a few so obsessed about this term ‘virginity’ I even find it funny when someone calls it ‘Losing Virginity’ where you actually don’t lose anything at all. Sex for a few needs emotional connects and for a few it has nothing to do with emotions, it is just their body’s need – well, it is equally right.
Now that I have crossed 26 years, I have a handful of girls as friends, and more than that count of guys as friends. Guy who are open enough to talk about it, who are aloof enough to accept the changes, and who are level headed to see a spade a spade are always those who gain my respect. I remember a friend of mine bluntly said the other male “Virginity is not gonna get yo even a kg of onions bro! Grow up!”
For those who still try to box and classify woman into two categories “The all the more homely who never smokes or drinks or had sex before as marriage as pious” and the opposite as a “Bad Ass” – Deep Sigh! God bless!
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7 thoughts on ““Are you a Virgin?” he asked.”

  1. Kavi…. You spoke my mind!!! The other day, a guy said ‘Delhi girls are like that’ and I was like ‘so you think south Indian gals are not like that??’, much to his flabbergasted expression!!! 😜

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great Post – My question to these dumbo guys is simple- What about the bad ass virgins? Loud mouthed frank talking girls who drink, dance to their heart’s content, but havent had sex just because they havent found the right person whom they could connect with and not because they were “saving themselves up for marriage”?

    Like

  3. Good one 🙂 after all these years, I understand men would like to hear what they want to hear. If the man is close to you/someone special, give him that. To the others, just say ‘but that’s a secret you are not ready for yet!’. Us women need to know that we can refuse to answer questions that we are not comfortable with And that we don’t need to justify ourselves to anybody.

    Like

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