Why are you here? Did the title remind you of that ONE person, and did your brain switch-on his/her image that you’re struggling hard to forget? And, are you contorting your face in a grimace of pain – Well, join the club!
Why it hurts, though? Because Life has no ‘shift + delete’ option. You cannot command or program your mind to NOT to think what you DON’T want to think.
Most of the time you end up thinking ‘WHY’ I made that mistake, why didn’t I know this before, and most importantly, you ask ‘WHY’ me. I’d like to answer – take it if it convinces you. Because that’s how life will sift you from your husk, grinds you white and wakes you up from your ‘scarlet cheeks’ dreams.
We think ‘narrow’ that’s how we are programmed to think – have you ever seen a movie or read a book with wild twists that leaves you thinking ‘why didn’t I see that coming?’ Yes, we are all informed and preached to think white-hands come clean.
You’re hurt and in pain NOT because of your choice or because of the said person but because you were tender. You are wounded by what you THOUGHT and MISUNDERSTOOD as love. It’s not a mistake to be ignorant.
Yes, what’s life without these experiences, though? Those winged-heart days, drenched in ecstasy, bloodied in memories and secrets. When you subscribed wholeheartedly and wanted to stay asleep in the love-mist.
Then comes a day when you get to see the said person’s worth butt-naked, and it leaves you heavy upon your hearts. Time took its time to destroy the sand-constructed home-sweet-home that you built in your mind. You fell apart, scattered into fragments, strained and stained, and curled like the edges of burnt paper.
Life is but a bell-curve that takes its own time to reveal things. From your eyes that were glistening with lust when with the special someone to the same eyes turning red with hatred. Talk about transformation! Freaks us out, right?
But, hey! Why judge yourself with the mistakes and failures? How about something awesome like resurrecting from your ruins? Let me tell you a secret – there’s nothing called ‘love’ it is just ‘getting used to a person’ because we humans are a creature of habits. I firmly believe that nothing goes waste in the cosmos. Every little thing has its purpose, so was your bad experience and the person. U-turns and wrong paths are not a waste of time, and you will never be gone so far from a return. Don’t let the haze envelope your life altogether. Life is big, and it waits for you to make bigger and better mistakes, to learn and move forward, why stay stuck with one? Don’t even call the person as ‘regret’ for they’re not worth it. Keep that pain at an arm’s distance but not the ‘lesson’ that it left you with. Don’t imagine and cloud your mind with ‘all men/women are the same’ and don’t shut yourself entirely from ‘love’ – if all are supposed to be the same, we’d all look alike, don’t you think this universe has its reasons to have blessed us each with different looks, attributes, and capabilities.
Don’t cling and crib about it again and again, for it would lead you into the abyss.
Happened to talk to a friend after a long time. We are friends for over 12 years, and the said person is someone I loved wholeheartedly and was madly possessive about. Days rolled and our priorities have changed, a phone call from the person didn’t quite evoke the same happy-puppy-smile that it once brought. I didn’t use the sweet-secret-pet name to address and was as normal as talking to an airtel customer service.
Does this ever happen to love? Yes, it sure does. I am not talking about getting back to the normal routine after the honeymoon period, but sometimes, the ‘effort’ that the relationship takes goes missing. Maybe, one of you were still throwing in efforts even when the other was not attentive, and eventually, just GAVE UP.
You feel a pang in your heart when he says “I am busy with work!” and your mind thinks about the summer paradise days when he bunked office and rushed to see you with flowers.
She might have had her french exams and didn’t text you good night for several days, and gave you a razor sharp reply when asked. Oh! Boy! There were those days when she used to text you non-stop.
Life has its flagpoles placed at various points that you mature with time, and eventually creates an impenetrable fog that makes you two, emotionally unreachable to each other. Not that you two don’t love each other, or that the love between had died – it can never sink into oblivion, can it?
Sometimes, the love felt during the aftermath of a heated argument leaves one of you to mentally reset that an ‘argument’ should never be a part of the life. Slowly, you get to understand the likes and dislikes of each other, and instead of DEALING with it at the expense of your sanity, either of you chose to IGNORE the contradiction and run the show further.
There’s no tug of war – both of you are holding the ropes and are staring at each other, waiting for the other to pull the rope slightly. The pain point is that you don’t give up because you are affectionate but just for the sake of it, sometimes, one might even feel submissive for that matter.
Can we just deal with it taking one at a time? First, don’t give that impassive look to each other. Stop being inanimate objects at home. Enough being the taut bowstring, and enough letting the terror sink its claws at you guys. Before you even give life to the dying-love, reach out to understand if there’s enough ‘Quiet’ and peace. It can be rusty as hell, and don’t let it go like the sun that slips behind the cloud – remember, it would emerge another day, if not now.
It takes emotional intimacy first rather than any other to rekindle the love. Bring it on! Don’t whip around your issues or what-you/I-did-wrong. Don’t care to give any plausible explanation. More often than not, we tend to claw and rummage at the ‘why’ and ‘how’ and ‘what’ factor but it actually takes a backseat when you want something to work out. Though hard, practice NOT asking questions and TRY not wanting to find answers/reasons. Let go of everything that holds you on, especially, the doubts and insecurities.
There are many crappy links that would preach you to have a couple spa, take a candlelight dinner, and much worse, to perfume and make your bed for some hot sessions – but, trust me, it doesn’t work that way.
Nothing like a time together, a small chit-chat letting go of the ‘ego’ factor and working it out gently, and kindly? It is inexpensive and is sure to work wonders. Let it go, and TALK.