This question, though, is pretty tricky. And, the answer to this question depends on a few factors that are not in our control. One important element – HUMAN’s MIND.
See, let’s admit that all of us have some guilty secrets, a past that shaped us, something dark and gloomy et al. We are in an era where moving on is not an option anymore, it is a necessity.
We get into relationships that are convenient for the time being. We all need somebody to lean on! We are all in a ‘something’ that falls under the big fat umbrella called ‘relationship, ’ and we do shit that we think we want to do.
So, when we move on and get into an authentic or official relationship/marriage – there comes a one-on-one discussion to blurt out and confess. Wait up!
To confess a guilty pleasure – I just love the honeymoon period in a new relationship. A new found love comes wrapped in a velvet paper and big red bows, and some gourmet chocolates that we all love to indulge.
But, in most relationships, people think that opening up and sharing about your past is the best and people do. To me, THIS IS WRONG. In a relationship, what matters is what happens from the day one of the said person’s entry, whatever happened ‘before’ them has nothing to do with what’s coming up. But, people do the so-called beer talking and confess shit. And, the result, the said person MIGHT bring up the topic to hit you at the hardest of the times to hurt. The world is filled with a few jackasses and shit who’ll never be the same. You might feel a lot lighter after the confession, but the receiver might not feel the same. To a few, talking about their past is like chewing the tip of the pen, they’re addicted. Don’t don’t that and don’t be that.
The past is like a twilight sky that throws iridescent shades – it shows different color from different angles, and that’s the trickiest part. You’ll never know what shade his/her bespectacled eyes would choose to see. Who’ll know the deeper mind of a person?
Well, he/she might probably throw their arms around you, hand at the small of your back, circling lower. But, baby, the aftermath? – Apocalypse. My advice – keep your lips sealed. Your new relationship/marriage has nothing to do with ‘what your raging hormones did’ at all.
What probably happens when you share each other’s past?
It lingers in the mind forever and self-doubt’s like Is she/he in love with the ex yet, was she/he good in bed than I am now, is she/he in touch with em, etc.. would bug now and then
Or, if you get to sort out the above self-doubts – you both would still keep the ‘ex’ in your conversations.
The other (if he/she is a bit of a piece of shit) might bring up your past to use it against you
I can keep adding more points to the above.
If you come back at me stating “Sharing the past builds trust” – my pumpkin pie, you’ll have to get yourself a self-check — what ‘trust’ means to you and how you define it.
You’ll never have to feel guilty about not sharing your past. It is over. It totally is.
Whatever you had gone through had made you the person who you are now, and if the significant half cannot accept the whole-new-you, reconsider!
To quote Chanakya’s (I read long back, and I don’t remember the same word by word) — Once you share your secrets/past with someone, you become their slave. This applies to friends too. Even if you’ve moved on, those with whom you shared it will never – they’d bring the topic, time and again, unless you burst out like a volcano asking em to shut the fuck up.
Sharing your past might feel like emptying it all and pulling of the light, but, you’d always find a silhouette staring at you. There’ll be a shadow that tugs at you.
What matters is what happens after the official ‘To be your lawful, wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold in sickness and health, for better or for worse, till death do you part.’
I wouldn’t deny the fact that many live happily-ever-after starting fresh because they shared their share of past and felt a lot better. But, with what I’ve observed around, I guess it is not a good idea. Think before you talk!