Tag Archives: Love

How can you live with what you did to me?

I had questions storming my mind ever since day one – Why didn’t you see us together, what did I miss, how are you dealing it, are you okay, did I hurt you a lot, etc… Though, I’ve not processed it all, there is one question that I want to look in your eyes and ask – How can you live with what you did to me?
You see. We’ve been talking about breaking up for over a year now. I knew it was coming. But what I didn’t expect is the betrayal. Do you remember how you felt bad when we sat on the beach and spoke in lengths about my insecurities and what my past had done to me? You called me a strong woman. Now, to think of it, I’m realizing, maybe it left a hint that I’d process anything thrown at me. Did you just take the big fat step to leave me stranded for the roof to fall on my head? And, you thought, anyway, she’d handle it?
People around here usually warn me about the winter. They talk about the temperature going to minus 40 and they tell me to keep every step carefully because there’s black ice. Strangely, it reminds how you betrayed me. When my friends pointed out the red flags, I called it sunset. I convinced myself you’re not it. That you know how I have suffered and you’d not put me through the same. You did not just repeat the betrayal but you ensured to strip my capacity to love.
I remember our last hug. I can feel your skin and scent even now. The thing is, I hugged you with all the love I ever had but you didn’t do the same. Did you think of her? Were you texting her when I was talking to you? I showed you the pictures of the puppy that would be in my stay place and I told you how I’m afraid about the whole change and you didn’t have the courtesy to inform me about the new lovely lady in your life? Worst of it, she being a friend of mine.
I convinced myself that you were busy enough to pick my calls. I assumed that the past hurts you enough that you removed yourself from our shared folders. I thought maybe one day you’ll send me a long email. I dreamt that you’d come all the way, crossing the seas to get a glimpse of me. All you did was to let me crumple and use me as a canvas to build your new life.
I tried processing this by just sharing the whole mess with a few friends and I was searching for words from them that would convince me that what you did is right. When one said the other woman is not that pretty anyway, I thought yes, he’s not someone who goes after looks. Do you see how stupid I am? Oh! Maybe, you did see it.
I’ve book recommendations that falls under self-help genre, I’ve a few dating apps on my phone, I’m reading a quote that says if Jennifer Anniston can get over Brad Pitt, so can you for a hundred million times but in vain. Why are you still the first and last thing I think in a day and all that’s in between? Memories umpteen and it adds weight like a personal trainer in the gyms would do to their clients. Do you think of me as much as I think of you? Do you have a fake profile to see an old picture on my Instagram and smile? Will you ever get in touch with any of my friends to check on my mental health?
Questions are all I have. Questions are all I will ever have – How can you live with what you did to me?

I no longer love the person who was once the world to me!

Happened to talk to a friend after a long time. We are friends for over 12 years, and the said person is someone I loved wholeheartedly and was madly possessive about. Days rolled and our priorities have changed, a phone call from the person didn’t quite evoke the same happy-puppy-smile that it once brought. I didn’t use the sweet-secret-pet name to address and was as normal as talking to an airtel customer service.
Does this ever happen to love? Yes, it sure does. I am not talking about getting back to the normal routine after the honeymoon period, but sometimes, the ‘effort’ that the relationship takes goes missing. Maybe, one of you were still throwing in efforts even when the other was not attentive, and eventually, just GAVE UP.
You feel a pang in your heart when he says “I am busy with work!” and your mind thinks about the summer paradise days when he bunked office and rushed to see you with flowers.
She might have had her french exams and didn’t text you good night for several days, and gave you a razor sharp reply when asked. Oh! Boy! There were those days when she used to text you non-stop.
Life has its flagpoles placed at various points that you mature with time, and eventually creates an impenetrable fog that makes you two, emotionally unreachable to each other. Not that you two don’t love each other, or that the love between had died – it can never sink into oblivion, can it?
Sometimes, the love felt during the aftermath of a heated argument leaves one of you to mentally reset that an ‘argument’ should never be a part of the life. Slowly, you get to understand the likes and dislikes of each other, and instead of DEALING with it at the expense of your sanity, either of you chose to IGNORE the contradiction and run the show further.
There’s no tug of war – both of you are holding the ropes and are staring at each other, waiting for the other to pull the rope slightly. The pain point is that you don’t give up because you are affectionate but just for the sake of it, sometimes, one might even feel submissive for that matter.
Can we just deal with it taking one at a time? First, don’t give that impassive look to each other. Stop being inanimate objects at home. Enough being the taut bowstring, and enough letting the terror sink its claws at you guys. Before you even give life to the dying-love, reach out to understand if there’s enough ‘Quiet’ and peace. It can be rusty as hell, and don’t let it go like the sun that slips behind the cloud – remember, it would emerge another day, if not now.
It takes emotional intimacy first rather than any other to rekindle the love. Bring it on! Don’t whip around your issues or what-you/I-did-wrong. Don’t care to give any plausible explanation. More often than not, we tend to claw and rummage at the ‘why’ and ‘how’ and ‘what’ factor but it actually takes a backseat when you want something to work out. Though hard, practice NOT asking questions and TRY not wanting to find answers/reasons. Let go of everything that holds you on, especially, the doubts and insecurities.
There are many crappy links that would preach you to have a couple spa, take a candlelight dinner, and much worse, to perfume and make your bed for some hot sessions – but, trust me, it doesn’t work that way.
Nothing like a time together, a small chit-chat letting go of the ‘ego’ factor and working it out gently, and kindly? It is inexpensive and is sure to work wonders. Let it go, and TALK.


Fate, I blamed.
When I met the designated and the butterflies fluttered.
When my heart pounded faster, I thought it’s magical.
A wave of excitement and giddiness,
I sunk enough to trust wholeheartedly,
I felt like I’m in a trance,
That blush and smile, and the hormones that activated the red on my cheeks, Bliss!
Hands on the nape of my neck, and a hug that envelops the soul,
The flare in the belly has no compare,
Scooped my heart off, and head tumbling on the shoulders,
Stripped – not the clothes that covered the nude, but, also the ability to trust, and to believe that I deserve love.
— Kavipriya Moorthy

That Non-refundable Smile

Nov 2nd, 2015
Her eyes gleamed and widened like a well-fed fat fish.
Awww! She exclaimed like the beauty contest winners.
“For me?” she asked, raising her brows that drew beautiful crinkles like beach waves on her forehead.
I stood rooted and when she smiled again looking at my eyes, I regained my consciousness. “OMG, that was a giant wheel ride,”I thought.
She pursed her lips to control the excitement and blush, but lucky me, her cheeks turned red that signaled the joy.
“Yeah, for whom else? you think I have another woman in my life,” I asked her with a chuckle.
“Umm,” she faked a frown and took the elegant pink box from my hands.
I saw the reflection of the bangles in her hands through her black grape pupils. It looked the best; I wanted to click a picture of her eyes through a DSLR. Stylori will steal the picture paying me much; I thought like the typical miser that I have been, all my life.
“Try it,”I told her.
“Ha.. haa.., okay,” that kind of annotation one could die for. I thought, how did I miss seeing this happiness. Oh, I guess this is the first gift am giving her after one year of marriage life. Poor lady!
She frowned and furrowed. “Errr. Ewww.,” she whimpered.
“Wha.. what?” I asked.
“Its not fitting me,” She frowned.
“OMG! I am so sorry. I thought it will fit you, this was the last piece available, actually.” I said. Good, keep going, you’re acting well, I told myself.
“I will try using the soap, It would let the bangle slid in,” she tried to move.
“but.. if.. it doesn’t fit even then, I can’t return at ease. Stylori takes returns but without any change to the original. Just in case, if anything happens to the bangle.. you know..” I dragged but managed not to show that am desperate to return it.
“Hmmm,” she exhaled and handed the bangles. The disappointment was a tough pill to swallow. “Get me some coffee,” I told to distract her.

I logged into my WordPress and narrated the exuberance in the most poetic way. One of the best narrations ever, I thought to myself. I should win this, 5000 INR is a big deal, I thought.

“This entry is a part of the Stylori – jewellery from the Heart contest organized in partnership with the Chennai Bloggers Club,” I completed my post with this sentence.

“Coffee!” she said and stretched her hand. I took the coffee mug and looked at her plain hands, the only time I saw them accessorized was during our wedding.

Take a bow, why don’t you form a cheapskate club. How can you just do this?” the angel within spoke as usual, this time I stumbled to turn a deaf ear.

I am not a poet, I have to experience to write something,” I tried to convince myself. “But, you can’t disappoint someone. You ordered something with a motive to participate in a content. Don’t misuse the easy refund policy, I bet you’ll regret when you win the contest.” the angel continued

Before I could change my mind, I clicked the next tab and navigated from the refund to the exchange page, selected 2.8 the right size of her bangles. They will ship in a day, she will be happy. Let me not disclose, I thought.

Sometimes, it’s worth it, I thought.

Nov 29th, 2015

“Yaayyy,” I heard her screaming with joy.
When she clapped hard wearing those tingling bangles for the first time. I lost myself in the crowd.
“How do you feel winning the contest Vishnu?” the emcee asked.
“Contest? No, I just wrote what I saw,” I looked back at my wife and penned a poem in mind. This time it was real, my inner angel smiled with all heart.