Last Wednesday, a colleague of mine came to my bay and handed over his wedding card with a hint of blush on his face. “Please do come” he said. A cute card it was, mustard yellow in color. With a modern art of lord Ganesha in one corner and a cute ‘holding hands’ clip-art icon between their names and red font and all that. The border had gold lace.
The other colleague I share my bay with asked “Hey! Why aren’t you settled yet?” and that’s not just a casual question you know, it is the usual questions that we hear once in a few days. I smiled, and I said the casual/usual lie “Horoscope issues. Astrology. Next year for sure!”
It reminded me of a few people I met in this course of ‘what’s called as life’
I thought first of Aarthi who needs permission to step out of the home, to buy a nice Saree of her choice, to call me and say a Hi. Once, very slowly, she whispered to me over the phone “See what marriage did to me?”
And, it also reminded me of Aishwarya, who is now incapable of making any decisions of her own. And, also about Ajay who regrets getting married every single day of his life. I thought about Anand and Anita who started to ignore the issues because that’s the best thing to do, and are now ignoring each other and are strangers under the same roof. And, the society says that they are all married with a capital M.
Whatever happened to ‘love’ and what happened to love means making the other person happy? I only see couples who make each other’s life miserable, who are egoistic and call it ‘reality’
I thought that the love and marriage that I witness in the books and movies are true. That fairy tale is indeed true. It’s about books, wine, and cheese, and Friday-night dinners. But, everything now, is completely materialized. Looks like some kind of spell. Because, they want their kids in international schools and they’ve booked the 16th floor in Estancia away from Chennai on EMI.
Bibhu and Balaji hurt each other and refrain from forgiving every single day.
Charan and Charvi thought that there’s more between them than friendship and got married, but, you know what? Charan fell a little bit in love with someone else and left. I don’t know what happened to them being hopelessly in love.
They’re all waiting for a small spot of light called hope in the darkness. Waiting for something to bring a spark their relationship and for something that would make it all work. And, the society says, they are married and settled.
Why should we sleep with a stranger every day and call it a marriage? This to me is beyond the logic and reasoning.
Dharun did a heap of things to prove that he’s in love with Divya. But, Divya was very clear. We cannot help whom we fall in love with, do we?
And Easha and Emraan have mastered the art of fighting. They make me feel like it’s the end of the world.
Farzana cries every day. She says to me, that she’s fine. She’s crying but she’s fine.
Gayathri has got many talents but keeping an affair secretive, is definitely not one among them. Harish did find a match on tinder but his parents wanted it only from a matrimonial website. So he married someone of their choice and fantasized his tinder date, every single night.
We’re all running to either find a relationship or from a relationship, as if we’ve got no time to lose. Aren’t we all kidding ourselves enough about ‘made for each other’ and ‘soul mates’ and ‘happily ever after’
I was wondering why Ishaan had to kiss a stranger behind the bars but only until Jitha confessed that it’s okay and that they are sexually incompatible.
And Kirthi filed a divorce because unsuccessful pregnancies, Lina did and called him a psychopath, Minu’s husband said he’s done with her emotional blackmails.
There was this guy who asked if i’m ‘pure’ because he said his decision is based on the state of this ‘virginity’ that doesn’t exist. And, then, another wanted me to quit my job and stand in his beautiful bungalow, wave him bye, and wait for him to return with my cheeks pressed against the glass of his balcony doors. I’ve met men who wanted to reduce me like the ash from their cigarette.
What’s love? Just a figment of imagination? Or are good people just a mirage?
No. I don’t want to be humiliated. I don’t want to hold my hand to my mouth and cry so that my 5yo child doesn’t get terrified. I don’t want to wake up half past four and say ‘this isn’t working out’ and I don’t want to burst into tears when we are signing the contract papers of freedom. And, no, I don’t want to fake orgasms.
I don’t know if I’d find the man of my life but I do know that I shouldn’t get married because I’m in my late 20s.
I don’t know if I’d have beautiful kids but I do know that I shouldn’t get married because my biological clock is ticking.
I don’t know if I’d fall in love but I do know that settled is not equal to marriage.
P.S – The names used in this blog post are all fictitious. I used Google for common names in India.
P.S 1 – #NotAllMen #NotAllWomen #NotAllRelationships #NotAllCouples and please feel free to include other hashtags that you’d require that would help you to refrain from leaving a “How can you generalize and write such a post,” comment. Thanks!
“I want to marry a wealthy guy,” says no woman ever. But, only, explicitly. Though many instances in my life made me think about this subject, the one that gave me enough thrust to start penning this blog post is the image below.
To share a few real life incidents:
I told to one of my friends that I would like to travel all over India and a few countries if possible and immediately she said “marry a guy who is in the US,” you can travel all over the world. It hurt me because, according to me, I should go around the world with my money.
Judge me if you want, I’ve survived two break-ups. One was intense that even families knew and approved. It was a long distance relationship, and so, once he presented me an iPhone. After a few months, when the relationship didn’t work, and when I wanted to call it quits – he emotionally threatened me that he loves me so much that he presented an iPhone. Not just him, his family and even my family said the same again and again. It threw me aback that everybody equated love to an iPhone. (I threw em, and the one I use now is my own)
I had this habit of posting my restaurant trials at a Facebook group called “Where Chennai Eats,” that’s how my Ex got caught, though. His sister stalked my profile and found that we frequently meet. He casually told me that his sister warned him not to spend a lot on food. We usually go Dutch – we share the bill, but, he didn’t inform that to his sister. We fought on this, and he said it is an insult to tell that he is not spending on me
My friend’s sister did like a guy – tall and handsome, smart and witty, and what not? When we probed why she rejected him, she said his bank balance is low, and he is still in a rented house and owns no piece of land
I observe a lot, introspect, and retrospect, I find that most guys spend a lot for their girlfriends, they love doing that. They think it is man enough and pick the bill every single time. But, when there are issues and if they break up, the guy easily says “She was with me for the money,” to pacify himself. This crept in, and now, most guys use this phrase.
For, almost all my college mates are married, most of them are in US, UK, Australia and the likes. Maybe, yes! But, it is not just her choice but also her family’s that they want a well-settled guy. (Well-settled meaning – who owns a bungalow or at least a piece of land, a luxurious car, salary package that’s more than sufficient for 2, etc..) just worldly pleasures.
It’s been long that I heard someone saying “I want to marry a guy who will keep me happy,” or “I want to marry a man who struggles in life to give my support and help him achieve his endeavors,” or “I want to marry the one who loves me,” etc..
Am 27 year old now and though I don’t want to get married – in the worst case, I always wanted a matured guy who can handle what I am. Because, there were alliances that rejected me stating my social media profile has 2500 friends, a few said that a writer would mostly talk a lot of rules and laws, and a few, of course, said am fat, etc..
I got a friend recently, and we found that we share common interests and, we spend more time these days. Once he blurted that he is not committed yet because he is afraid that a girl might love him for his money.
I am extremely nervous about it; I am always conscious to repay or share the expenses equally so that no guy that I know would ever say that I am with him for his money. It is more of an obsession these days!
There are movies that subtly show a rich bald guy marrying an utterly beautiful girl. The equation of rich & ugly man marrying a pretty girl is strengthening day by day. A covalent bond!
I wouldn’t blame anyone. I am not concluding this article with any specific pointers. While I write my micro-mini HeMeStory tales – I ensure that I hurt none. I want men, women, and transgenders who read my micro stories to smile and feel glad. But, many guys in list bash women – they write about a woman being gold diggers. Many women writers in my list bash men, stating they would do anything to get laid.
Taking sides would give us hashtags like Feminist, Feminazis, Menist, etc..
I don’t want to be any!
Can we all just ditch the worldly pleasure and focus on co-existing? To just live happily? To just ensure that we all born to learn something and to teach the same to someone else before we leave?