Is it a pretty woman running away from a room, yelling and crying with her clothes so torn? Or, is it a scene from a movie where you see their clothes all over and the woman throwing her hands and legs in all directions? Or, is it a small street, all dark, and you see a group of people in the far with a woman crying out loud for help?
What is the definition of rape? What is your definition of rape?
Or should I ask, What’s your prototype of a rape? Because, we are taught and preached that rape is always performed by a criminal who attacks a screaming woman at a gunpoint, isn’t it? What if I narrate an incident that deviates from your prototype? But, still claim that it indeed was a rape? Would you sympathize? Because evidently, the further the incident deviates from our idea of “how a rape should look like” – We seldom understand it
Have you heard the stories of marital abuse and claimed, he’s your husband after all, he has all the rights? – No. He doesn’t have the rights. It is a rape. Do you know there are men who are victims of rape and have you ever said, huh! Men actually enjoy sex any given day, No. It is a rape. How about mistreatment of sex workers because after all that’s their job and they get paid for it. No, it is a rape. And, same-sex assault, does that ever happen? Yes, it happens. It is again a rape. What if alcohol and drugs are involved? No 2nd thoughts, it can be a rape.
There are millions and millions out there in all the corners of the world, who scoop up the incidents that happened to them and are asking “Was it a rape?” to someone else and are slowly dissolving into their own tears of self-pity.
Because, we usually stick to a few well-known rape incidents and forget to see the whole spectrum of assaults. Such that, many sexual harassment victims are still unsure how to classify the misconduct. Because, people. They always want to just label an incident as rape or assault or harassment or misconduct. But, they fail to understand how it affected the said person.
Would you throw the rape case on a weighing scale?
100 points if you were killed during the rape
99 points if that was a gang rape
90 points if they had inserted an iron rod
80 points if you were just violently attacked
50 if you look physically fine
40 if the other person had used protection?
How about ranks, though?
1st Rank if you had said No and still get raped
2nd Rank if you said ‘Stop’ but the person continued
Fail – if you had said yes first and then said no second
Fail – if you were forced and coerced to saying yes after a 100 no
Fail – if you said maybe
Fail – if you just froze and laid there like a corpse.
Anything outside the commonly accepted definition of rape is considered less worthy.
The victims are pressurized to either classify the misconduct or to just shut the fuck up. But, one question from me, who gave anyone the rights to trivialize the victim’s experiences?
Do you know there are women who make the sound of pleasure as a defense mechanism? So the rapist assumes she’s done and would let go of her?
Do you know there are people who think that violence is a part of a woman’s life and it’s just okay because all the other women out there do face something similar or, even worse.
There are women who are advised that they were lucky because it was not a violent rape but the point to note here is, it is a rape. There are women who are brain-washed that it was not a rape but a bad sexual encounter.
There are people who say “How one should take the incident” – let me tell you, you have no rights to say how someone should feel about a traumatic incident. You’re not entitled to an opinion.
Consent has to be given. Consent cannot be taken away.
As much as we understand that “No means No” – we should also understand only “Yes means Yes” – A maybe or errr I need to think or especially, silence is not a substitute for a yes.
Disinterest is rape
Discomfort is rape
Someone not minding your pain but are pushing to finish is definitely a rape
Uneasiness is rape
You don’t have the rights to say that someone’s experience of a rape doesn’t “Count” as a rape.
You spending money on her doesn’t give you the rights to rape
you cannot rape someone just because you’re turned on
You cannot rape her just because she’s not a virgin
Let’s summarize? Shall we? If a person does not verbally say YES – yes, for all the sexual acts, it is a rape.