Why aren’t you settled yet?

Last Wednesday, a colleague of mine came to my bay and handed over his wedding card with a hint of blush on his face. “Please do come” he said. A cute card it was, mustard yellow in color. With a modern art of lord Ganesha in one corner and a cute ‘holding hands’ clip-art icon between their names and red font and all that. The border had gold lace.

The other colleague I share my bay with asked “Hey! Why aren’t you settled yet?” and that’s not just a casual question you know, it is the usual questions that we hear once in a few days. I smiled, and I said the casual/usual lie “Horoscope issues. Astrology. Next year for sure!”

It reminded me of a few people I met in this course of ‘what’s called as life’

I thought first of Aarthi who needs permission to step out of the home, to buy a nice Saree of her choice, to call me and say a Hi. Once, very slowly, she whispered to me over the phone “See what marriage did to me?”

And, it also reminded me of Aishwarya, who is now incapable of making any decisions of her own. And, also about Ajay who regrets getting married every single day of his life. I thought about Anand and Anita who started to ignore the issues because that’s the best thing to do, and are now ignoring each other and are strangers under the same roof. And, the society says that they are all married with a capital M.

Whatever happened to ‘love’ and what happened to love means making the other person happy? I only see couples who make each other’s life miserable, who are egoistic and call it ‘reality’

I thought that the love and marriage that I witness in the books and movies are true. That fairy tale is indeed true. It’s about books, wine, and cheese, and Friday-night dinners. But, everything now, is completely materialized. Looks like some kind of spell. Because, they want their kids in international schools and they’ve booked the 16th floor in Estancia away from Chennai on EMI.

Bibhu and Balaji hurt each other and refrain from forgiving every single day.

Charan and Charvi thought that there’s more between them than friendship and got married, but, you know what? Charan fell a little bit in love with someone else and left. I don’t know what happened to them being hopelessly in love.

They’re all waiting for a small spot of light called hope in the darkness. Waiting for something to bring a spark their relationship and for something that would make it all work. And, the society says, they are married and settled.

Why should we sleep with a stranger every day and call it a marriage? This to me is beyond the logic and reasoning.

Dharun did a heap of things to prove that he’s in love with Divya. But, Divya was very clear. We cannot help whom we fall in love with, do we?

And Easha and Emraan have mastered the art of fighting. They make me feel like it’s the end of the world.

Farzana cries every day. She says to me, that she’s fine. She’s crying but she’s fine.

Gayathri has got many talents but keeping an affair secretive, is definitely not one among them. Harish did find a match on tinder but his parents wanted it only from a matrimonial website. So he married someone of their choice and fantasized his tinder date, every single night.

We’re all running to either find a relationship or from a relationship, as if we’ve got no time to lose. Aren’t we all kidding ourselves enough about ‘made for each other’ and ‘soul mates’ and ‘happily ever after’

I was wondering why Ishaan had to kiss a stranger behind the bars but only until Jitha confessed that it’s okay and that they are sexually incompatible.

And Kirthi filed a divorce because unsuccessful pregnancies, Lina did and called him a psychopath, Minu’s husband said he’s done with her emotional blackmails.

There was this guy who asked if i’m ‘pure’ because he said his decision is based on the state of this ‘virginity’ that doesn’t exist. And, then, another wanted me to quit my job and stand in his beautiful bungalow, wave him bye, and wait for him to return with my cheeks pressed against the glass of his balcony doors. I’ve met men who wanted to reduce me like the ash from their cigarette.

What’s love? Just a figment of imagination? Or are good people just a mirage?

No. I don’t want to be humiliated. I don’t want to hold my hand to my mouth and cry so that my 5yo child doesn’t get terrified. I don’t want to wake up half past four and say ‘this isn’t working out’ and I don’t want to burst into tears when we are signing the contract papers of freedom. And, no, I don’t want to fake orgasms.

I don’t know if I’d find the man of my life but I do know that I shouldn’t get married because I’m in my late 20s.

I don’t know if I’d have beautiful kids but I do know that I shouldn’t get married because my biological clock is ticking.

I don’t know if I’d fall in love but I do know that settled is not equal to marriage.

P.S – The names used in this blog post are all fictitious. I used Google for common names in India.

P.S 1 – #NotAllMen #NotAllWomen #NotAllRelationships #NotAllCouples and please feel free to include other hashtags that you’d require that would help you to refrain from leaving a “How can you generalize and write such a post,” comment. Thanks!